Strawberrybazooka!

Hello friends!
As you might have noticed by the stale, bone-white text screen staring back at you and burning your retinas everytime you so hopefully klick the refresh button with a heartfelt quiver of your lower lip, Strawberrybazooka is not yet quite up and strong again. This will be dealt with, probably… We?ll just have to whip the webmaster-manatees a little more ferocious to get them to code the new flashy website a little faster.
Martin is overseeing the development of a new, more effective manatee-ship, at least twice as pain inflicting and ostentacious as the old obsolete one. Of course, we would probably need some kind of otherworldy powerful whip to use on the whip development-manatees to get it finished in time, hmm.
Bottom line is, manatees have really thick skin, so if you need to whip them, unless you are incredibly big and muscular, like us, they?ll probably wont feel it and just laugh and shrug it off and start insulting your puny arm muscles and slacking off completley, neglecting their webmastering duties and just play Tetris, Gungrave and that patched together beta-rom of Tattoo Assasins, and all the other forms of electronic entertainment the reckless youth find so popular these days.

ION! (snappy short for “in other news” as well as a sci-fi-ish name for a small group of atoms)
We aren?t too keen on the idea of christmas here at STB, as a whole, we think it might have been better to just soak yourself in water, turn of the heat, go down to your blood freezingly cold stone-basement (wich are all the rage right now, trust us) and simply freeze yourself to death, after throwing all your money into the incinerator ofcourse.
This may not be true, but we are FAIRLY certain that christmas is something wicked and evil that an ancient volcano-based alien lifeform that also happened to be a nazi-wizard invented one morning in his dark evil lair of putrid darkness, out of deceit, jealousy, commercialism, greed and two very old eggs he found.
Then he boiled it into a thick, dark mist that formed into an eerie whispering cloud not unlike that wonderful budget-effect on LOST, and unleashed it upon earth, then proceeding to write the first Jay Leno-monologue ever.

Bid you howdy and welcome to a new swinging episode of Strawberrybazooka: the Apocalypsening! Before we start, did you happen to notice that I snuck in a dirty little word in the sentence you are reading right now?
That?s right I did!
Spoiler: I wrote “wee” haha get it? it?s another word for urine, a word most foul! At least considering dirtyness. Sure, it?s spelled wrong but if I had gone the extra mile of spelling it correctly it would have been to obvious. Sometimes grammar must be sacrificed in order to make riddles more harder, and harder ALWAYS equals, like, at least TWICE the entertainment! !

Why not visit Innsmouth this season? The fish isn?t that fresh, and nothing?s particularly good in any way, but, you know.. Ah well, let?s just skip the leading, shark/tangerine act and go straight fo the mandatory unbelievable news of certain hilarity:
Have you ever considered the manufacturing of salsa flavoured supposatories? If you have, well, then we feel that you are a rather unpleasant and disgusting individual, and we will frown upon you next time we meet.
A large bearded fellow exploaded shortly after exiting the local marketplace today, the Police suspects the night elves for the crime, as usual, even though they aren?t really elves, as much as they are strange drunken vagrants, always found semi-asleep at the plaza fountain.
Nilsy will turn 20 in a few days, and therefore become much older than previoulsy. Incidently, this will occur on the very same day Martin has a incredibly fancy job interview scheduled with the wise and eternal cod-people of IKEA. for whom he will work as Xtreme designer and decorator, and adjuster of breasts, be they large or enormous.

Hello and, you know..
Since we are in a bastard of hurries, we?ll just skip the courtesy and go straight for the juicy neck of current news events that we know you all has been waiting so long for to plunge your sharp, news drenched fangs into:

Horribly exciting news that we totally didnt make up:
Martin recently got his hands on a lovely Volvo 340GL wich he drives oh so joyfully every day untill little puffs of black smoke emerges from the engine. And then, he just drives it some more! Good news since we destroyed the Mitsubishi Galant while attempting to recreate that cool underwater driving thing from that bond movie.

Klick here for a nasty video of Martin pulling a drive by against a defenceless ogre, maybe.

In an effort to make ourselves appear more hoodlum-esque, Martin and ?sa went and tattooed them selves (how ?sa managed to do it on her back we?ll never find out) while Nilsy got his lip pierced by accident. Some disturbing pictures are bound to show up sooner rather than later. Martin would like to point out that getting your entire leg tattooed hurts more than being set on fire in the middle of a mine field, while getting crucified by rabid sharks, and the sharks are electrified, but with POISONOUS electricity! But only a little more.
This may very well turn out to be a dirty lie, as he is very fond of abusing the truth.

After getting bitten by a radioactive bookworm, Martin & Nils started out in a mad reading frenzy, devouering the classics of Call of Cthulhu and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. One can?t help but giggle with excitement at the thought of what other incredible superpowers lie incubating within our bodies as we sepak. We?re rooting for something laser-oriented, or possibly salary enhancing-oriented.
Since fear and Loathing got movie?d back in 98, we?l have to create a film about Innsmouth instead, wich is, as they say, bitching. We have so many great ideas that we actually had to open up our heads, with the technology of trepanation, and pour the gooey idea-liquid into cups and store in a cubboard under Martins bed. Also, for some reason, Nilsy?s nogging contained a suprising ammount of various tropical fish. ?Twas like watching a glowing energy drink with the flavour of finding nemo!

Summer?s just around the corner, breathing heavily with exhaust, fully audible from the STB hut in the forest. If we have the time, we?ll scout out and try to capture it.
A caged summer is bound to attract at least four or five paying spectators, AT LEAST!
We?ll just decorate the bugger with a loincloth and a banana bunch and smash a chloroform bottle under its trunk, forcing it into a unnatural, drunken state of aggression. If that wont entertain the bloddy tourists, then they can damn well pack up their beer coolers and playstation portables and scoot of in their SUV?s.

…

What did I write, just now?

Anyway, a large, bloated and suprisingly pleasant smelling piece of news is that Martin?s legendary sister, the incredibly sexy Ulrika, might come for a visit to our humble shanty town. She is so wonderful and full of magic, also she smells soo nice and her laughter is what grant angels their wings.
She is also the worlds richest ninja, and, this may sound unbelievable but she?s actually the inventor of the invention itself! What fun we will have sailing the seas aboard her pet kraken, singing illegal drinking song whitout the fear of getting arrested by the pirate police.
There is no laws out at sea you know.
I hope I get to hug her again, the last time I was granted this caddilack of pleasures my heart actually exploded with shear joy. Im fine, thanks to the simple fact that I?m an avid heart collector, and have several of them all pulsating at once within my chest, but the doctor adviced me not to hug Ulrika again for another year or so, since another pleasure inferno like that last one is likley to cause my molecular structure to rupture.

But you know what? If I can get this awesome woman to even touch me, I dont care what happens, for i shall die with a smile on my face, hearts strewn all over the place.

I see some kind of criminologist style police dude on the tube right now. I?ll tell you, that is one swanky moustache he is wearing on his face. Ofcourse, this means I have to hunt him down and inihilate him, oh well. Shouldn?t have been showing off with that tash of yours, police dude!

We are seriously contemplating taking a car and roar down to Göteborg, documenting the trip into one smoking mutha road movie! Given we can get our oddly coloured hands on a decent camera, and lots of money. Maybe if we tear up the floor in the basement, we could strike gold! or maybe copper! But probably not.
Then it is better to sell many items at ebay, such as… old stockings maybe, or uncles no one uses anymore. If you, or someone you know is on the market for an uncle, contact us, and we?ll se what we can do. We have many fine uncles to choose from, and very few of them have traveled further than 3000 miles. It?s mostly short trips from the tv to the kitchen and such things you know…
They are suprisingly stable as well, but it?s probably not a very wise idea to travel more than three people on one at a time. and they perform kinda jumpy on the highway. I think we have on convertible left too, if you can stand the wheezing sound created when the wind blows through the neck hole.

Well, that?s all we can manage at this point, the bleeding is getting to that profound point when I really cant ignore it anymore.

Until next time!
(falls over in a large pool of blood, interesting enough, shaped just like Elvis!)

Now finally, after a selection of hollidays, and about a gazillion of problems of both the personal and anti-personal kind, we are back with a new update here on the site we all know and love (in a strong, masculin sense).
Some new stuff have gently been sprinkled across the gallery, and you can view it any time of the day, though we suggest late afternoon/early evening, after a fine meal of greased up bovine parts and a lovely bon wine. As the ancient chinese dudes used to say: “Art is best viewed through the eyes of a full stomach, and if you?re drunk”.

We will be back with another update soon, or, maybe not so soon, who knows? You never know with Strawberrybazooka, thats our thing, our “niche” if you will. Is this the last update? you wonder. Will we ever see them again? hehe wouldn?t you want to know?
As the ancient auto repairer used to say: You?ll be back, and when you do you?ll better have some cash!

Bisquits of joy (and flour)

Both of us are rather broken down on the count of emotional difficulties, and not even that cool “James Woods” style broken down either. Just the awful kind.
On the other hand we are both single now, ladies (wink)

We can hear the kiwis scrathching on the other side of the door now. It is, as they say, only a matter of time now, before they?ll bust in and devouer our sweet knee fluids.
But we won?t go down easy!
No, we have stored for ourselves, a party bottle of urine coloured rum, and a whole universe of wooden matches are at our disposal. Those tiny birds will soon learn their last and hottest lesson!
Where?s the ether by the way…

Strawberrybazooka is back with a crippling update, one as to shrink your eyeballs and rattle your insides.
I have recently discoverd, during one of my daring bodily disclosures, a space between my fingers that I haven?t noticed before. Where does this small space origin from? And what are it?s intentions between my fingers? Is it simply nesting, or is it planning on expanding it?s territory, ultimatly converting my entire being into one large empty space?
Only time will tell, as the nazis used to say.
The newest Harry Potter movie was rather good-ish (but Martin didn’t enjoyed it), and as always, horribly, wound inflictingly long. Being one of the remaining 25 brave people that haven?t read the written versions of this medium, I suspect that it takes roughly the same time to finish the book as to see the movie.
It was cool though how he sprung gills after eating that green crap!

If you are pure of heart, then new art will magically appear in the gallery as you enter it. Yes, we actually fill the gallery with 17 new art pieces a day!
It?s only because you are all cold hearted, puppy-exploding basterds that it seems like we never update it!

Shame on you!
Shame on you all!

Anyone who manage to guess from wich zelda game that headline is stolen from, you win… absolutley nothing!! If that isn?t amazing then I don?t know what is!
We have some new fancy art plastered inside the gallery today, and TODAY ONLY! Maybe.. or, maybe we?ll.. you know… keep it there, for.. safe… safe keeping… in the gallery…

SOON TO COME!! a new caPslock key wich dOesn?t malfunctiOn At the most innapropRiate of inStancEs.
Please excuse us while we apply the finishing touches of our new robot baby, made out of busted pacemakers glued together with syrup. 600 000 volts should be enough to make it live, and be the greatest toy of all time!

Ok, so maybe there never was a robot baby that we granted the awesome gift of life, wich later on robbed us, ate all the acorns we saved for the winter and then drove off in five stolen cars. On a happier, more neon-glowing note: still new freshly squeesed art is beholdable in the gallery.
OMG! The diaper she left us – it?s ticking!!

Just one more thing, I (Martin) are trying to take out my dreads so Nilsy wrote me a little poem, just a little help on the long hard way to a normal hairstyle. Here it is:

Little dread, do not fear
come out of you tangled self
be borned again

All of you who are now jumping around in little heart-shaped circles of joy, expecting a new fabulous piece of artwork, I have some sour news for you. This is one of those smolderingly sexy artless updates.
Thats right! It?s not as if we dont have anything to shove into the mighty roaring incinerator that is the gallery. It is just that we dont want to, not right now.
But we promise, next time, the gallerie will have a new piece in it, and all the old pictures will gather around and whisper things to each other and, occasionally, peek at it with fear for the new and unknown in their eyes. Then they will start to bully the “new guy” around and be like: “this is how we take care of buissness around here dude”.
And the some particulary large piece of artwork will approach (possibly one of the hellgirls) and be all like: I?m the boss in this gallery, and you better do my biding if you wanna survive!”

And the new guy will be forced into a number of humiliating an hazardous activities for the remaining art?s pure amusement, and it will go on until he simply can?t take it anymore, and then, one night, he will sneak up to the “head art” when it?s asleep and screw around with the gradients in photoshop and then hang it?s head on a pole so that the rest of the gallery can see it in the morning when they wake up, and the new guy will just stand there, with chunky droplets of art-blood running down his gills.

But ofcourse this always happen when we introduce something new to the gallery. It becomes “baffled” and confused and scared, and doesn?t understand how to find an outlet for these strange new emotions and this usually end up wuth violence, just like real life.
It?s great fun to watch though, watching the little dudes running about…

You know the last update we had?
The one that was nearly impossible to read?
The one in wich we mentiones some new art?
Some new art that we then forgot to put up, and never thought of again until now?
Well, here it is.

And keep posting in our user friendly guestbook. The captain said we could have one gold coin each for every post we recieve, and he checks it every evening. Please write something…
He get?s angry when he finds it empty, and he can always tell if we posted something ourselves. Oh God! We can hear him comming now! We can hear his wodden legs tearing up deep grooves in the staircase.
We must hide, quickly…

Other fascinating news:

• Poor little ?sa hurt her knee while playing the increasingly dangerous sport of floorball. When a rabid dragon leaped out on the field, naturally she had no choice but to sweep kick him in the arse, thus saving us all. Luckily, her leg was found in a corner and could be saved, but her knee still hurts a bit. As a token of our love, and the fact that we are terrified of her (a wounded ?sa is not to be taken lightly) we brought her a lovely heart-shaped pillow and some candy.
• As soon as I am finished with this, I have to rush of to the driving school to do some “wheel dancing“

– picture dissapeared during this horrible accident everyone speaks about, sorry –