Capn’s log — 2/09/06
The crew’s startin? tha question the values of th’ expedition.
yesterday we did see the whale, large and threatenin? he was, just as tha last time I did ‘ave a run in with his great white arse, many a year ago.
Attacked the ship ‘e did, knocked Bosun’s lovely pot o’ petunias clean over by sheer force.
Reported it was, that several o’ th’ crew members fell on their buttocks’s n’ some bruised mighty badly.
Them where cryin’ and I had tha take each o’ them in me lap ‘n’ comfort them like only a captain can.
Almost out of food we are, since the whale did bloody near clean out the galley ‘fore he did swig fifty pieces o’ the fine rum
and punched private Muster in tha face.
Angry I was, but private said the whale done told him if I filed any complains, he’d be back for the christmas pudding.
Couldn’t be arsed with it this time ‘e couldn’t.
End o’ log.
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Capn’s log — 3/09/06
Well, th’whale return’d, sure as the early morning foam on th’very first wave.
I engaged the vile white beast in a game o’ “mexican standoff” at th’ deck.
Rotten be the scallywag, for he ‘ad stolen the good one of me two machine guns, ‘n forcing me th’wage battle utilizing only
th’spare one, flabby trout.
Chased us round the main timber he did, shoutin’ and hollerin’ profanities most foul as he charged gleeing, meaning tha rip us
a new one, by thunder!
The main timber leaning ‘n wibrating in a manner most embarrassing to a man, mostly to the cabin boy.
Shivered it did as the remainder o’ th’crew did post a buncha pieces o’ art in th’gallery, both new n’ old.
Luckily, yer’s truly did manage tha trip the great white bastard, making him slide across th’deck down into the drink once
more.
Arr it be the truth. That whale is a great bitch, by thunder.
End o’ log.
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Capn’s log — 5/09/06
The log’ll have tha wait, for I will watch th’newest LOST episode wich I had taped yesterday.
Love, the Captn.
End o’ log.